The Valet Did It: Nine Fictional and Royal Valets, Including Prince Charles'

A valet is a servant who takes care of a person instead of a household. His main duties include pressing his employer’s clothes, preparing his bath, even shaving his master. In some occasion, a valet is trusted to pay the bills, handle money matters, and run the household staff.

The subject of valets came into light during the height of the Wikileak scandal when a former high ranking British official revealed a highly embarrassing behavior of Prince Andrew, Queen Elizabeth’s second son. It seems that the prince, who serves as Britain's international trade envoy, not only travels with a personal valet but also brings with him a 6ft-long ironing board.

The prince, known in diplomatic circles as His Buffoon Highness (HBH), doesn’t personally “carry” the ironing board but his valet, who on one occasion, caused guests at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Bahrain to gawk at the sight of him with the ironing board. When the valet was asked why he travels with this cumbersome equipment when his boss always stays in the best five-star hotels, the question was dismissed with a haughty reply: ‘No one knows how to iron His Royal Highnesses’ trousers like me.’ One is left to wonder: does the ironing board also have a name? Fergie, perhaps?

In honor of Prince Andrew and his valet’s deep attachment to the ironing board, we identify a couple of famous fictional and royal valets whose antics, funny or otherwise, have also confounded us and made us either laugh or weep:

1. Hobson (Arthur )

Hobson is the coldly poisonous valet in the movie Arthur. Played by the late Sir John Gielgud, Hobson is surrogate father and friend to the drunken and always befuddled Arthur. Hobson may ooze with sarcasm but under his steady guidance, Arthur finally found the will to break out of his confining shell and grow up. The valet's influence on his charge even go as far as encouraging his romantic attachment to kleptomaniac waitress Linda Marolla (Liza Minelli) despite the fact that Arthur is engaged to another more suitable girl. In return, Arthur demonstrated his love and devotion by going on a spectacular drinking binge after Hobson died. Best and most quoted line in the movie: Arthur: “I’m now ready for my bath, Hobson.” Hobson (speaking in Gielgud’s famous Shakespearean elocution): “I’ll alert the media.”

2. Jeeves (P.G. Wodehouse )

Jeeves is the fictional character created by P.G. Wodehouse. The quintessential gentleman’s gentleman, Jeeves is celebrated for his vast knowledge of topics like philosophy, poetry, science, politics, literature, etiquette, women and, of course, gambling. Jeeves is otherwise known as belonging to and employed by the bungling and often clueless Bertie Wooster, who doesn’t know he is often manipulated by his valet. The running gag of most of the Jeeves and Wooster stories is the violet jacket Bertie wants desperately to wear so he can show its purple magnificence in public and Jeeves’ efforts to prevent such a sartorial mistake. This solecism may seem trifle but the hideous purple jacket would certainly have ruined Jeeves’ reputation and ended his reign as a top man’s man. Jeeves also serves a mean morning-after concoction, which like the man himself, is legendary.

3. Michael Fawcett (Prince Charles )

When Diana Spencer married the Prince of Wales in 1981, Prince Charles enjoyed a reputation as a polo-playing man of action. It went awry from there when Diana authorized a searing, cobweb-blowing autobiography that revealed, among other things, that the prince not only cultivates the company of his married friends’ lazy fat wives (which included the horse-faced Camilla Parker Bowles), he also talks to his plants, and allows his valet to squirt a tube of toothpaste on his toothbrush. Sadly, Prince Charles and his valet, Michael Fawcett, had to part ways in 2003 when it was embarrassingly revealed that not only did the valet squirt the royal toothpaste he also sold unwanted gifts of value for the prince. Mockingly called Fawcett the Fence by palace staff, the valet became very good in organizing a circle of buyers for the gifts. Charles, who received the cash payments, defended the practice by insisting that the money was spent on flowers for his Highgrove garden. The valet, of course, received a 10 to 20 percent cut from Charles.

4. Paul Burrell (Princess Diana )

Technically a butler and not a valet, Paul Burrell made himself indispensable to the late Princess Diana, so indispensable, in fact, that he fancied himself as her “rock”. Accused of stealing Diana’s personal belongings after her death, Burrell found a surprising ally in Queen Elizabeth who came to the beleaguered valet’s rescue when she revealed that Burrell was holding Diana’s possessions for safekeeping at her request, which for reasons not fully explained, she forgot. No matter. In the end, Burrell showed his love and loyalty by immediately flying to the princess' side after the fatal accident that claimed her life, carrying with him a dress and a bag of makeup to prepare Diana’s body on its sad, final journey back to England.

5. Alfred Pennyworth (Batman )

Alfred is the sagacious and warm-hearted valet of Gotham billionaire Bruce Wayne aka Batman. Like the all-knowing Jeeves and the well-meaning Hobson, Alfred also doubles as Wayne’s surrogate dad, friend and confidante. In the early comic books, Alfred was overweight and clean shaven. Then he slimmed down and wore a thin moustache. At one time, he was portrayed as a comedic foil for Batman and Robin. The most lasting and popular evolution of Alfred’s career, however, is as Batman’s trusted and most loyal friend. Alfred was played onscreen by Alan Napier in the Batman TV series, by Michael Gough in the Tim Burton directed version featuring Michael Keaton, and by the venerable Michael Caine in Christopher Nolan’s version of the popular series with Christian Bale.

6. Passepartout (Around the World in Eighty Days )

Jean Passepartout is a fictional character from Jules Verne’s adventure novel, Around the World in Eighty Days, and he is the very excellent valet to Phileas Fogg, the novel’s main protagonist. Passepartout, who lived an irregular and well-travelled life before entering Fogg's employ, was looking forward to a sedentary life with his travel-hating master when the latter made a surprising bet with his friends that he can circumnavigate the world in no more than eighty days. Thus, on his first day at work, Passepartout was obliged to go with him. Passepartout, however, is more than a comic relief since he played a critical role in his master’s adventures by rescuing Aouda from a forced sati. He also discovered upon arriving in London seemingly too late that Fogg was in fact running on time to complete the journey and win the wager.

7. Kato (The Green Hornet )

Kato plays a dual role as valet and masked sidekick to Britt Reid, aka the Green Hornet. Based on an earlier storyline, Kato joined Reid in his vigilante adventures after the latter saved his life. Besides his valeting skills, Kato is also a good driver, mechanic, and an expert in martial arts. In the TV series, Kato was played by the great Bruce Lee, whose butt-kicking moves jumpstarted the karate craze in America. Lee was so hot and kickass as Kato, the hit TV show was renamed The Kato Show during its successful run in Lee’s native Hong Kong.

8. Spicer Lovejoy (Titanic )

Spicer Lovejoy (David Warner) is the dastardly valet cum bodyguard of spurned lover Cal Hockley (Billy Zane) in the megahit movie, Titanic . The antithesis of all Hobson and Jeeves, Lovejoy is ironically named since he seemed to be without joy and spent most of his time either spying on Rose (Kate Winslet) or in trying to keep her away from Jack (Leonardo Dicaprio). Lovejoy also revealed his full villainy when he attempted to kill Jack by locking him in the basement after the Titanic hit the iceberg. In his defense, Lovejoy did try to help his master get to the lifeboats but was swept away in the melee and was never heard from or seen again, poor fellow.

9. Domovoi Butler (Artemis Fowl )

Butler is another excellent valet and bodyguard to teen master criminal Artemis Fowl in the hit novels written by Eoin Colfer. Butler is skilled in weaponry and martial arts and goes anywhere with Artemis, often aiding the young master criminal in acquiring more wealth, especially after Artemis’ father disappeared. What distinguishes Butler from others of his kind is the fact that his family had served the Fowl family for generations, with a Butler being assigned to guard a new Fowl baby at birth. Butler died after being shot in the third book, The Eternity Code, but was revived with fairy magic by leprecon captain Holly Short, Artemis’ sometime nemesis and friend.