Kate Middleton is a dowd and worse, a frump

     Now that I have your attention…

     Honestly, truly, would you say that Kate Middleton is a leader of fashion? According to recent reports, the soon-to-be royal has replaced Lady Gaga as the highest ranking fashion buzzword. Meaning, I suppose, that she’s now the lady to watch when it comes to fashion, and we should all follow her style because she is, after all, the future Queen of England.

     I disagree.

     Kate Middleton is a pretty young woman, obviously moneyed and well-connected. She is, in fact, the perfect choice for William, who seemed to have evolved into a pretty level-headed young man in the mold of Diana. He carries himself well and the same can be said of Kate. But a fashion leader, or a fashion icon she is not.

     When Lady Diana Spencer first burst into the limelight as Prince Charles’ girlfriend, she drew gasps not only because she looked like a dewy-cheeked English rose but because she carried herself with a certain style, not a great style, mind you, that was undeniably her own. She dressed simply, in high-necked ruffled blouses that if you look at closely today, you would hate to even call fashionable. They were charming but old-fashioned. But in an indefinable way which was to characterize her short yet unforgettable life, they suited Diana, suited her perfectly to a T.

     That, I think, is what you would call style. I mean, can you imagine anyone wearing that same voluminous, taffeta wedding dress with its puffed sleeves and overlong train except Diana, the Princess of Wales? Even Gwyneth Paltrow would look ridiculous in it. Not to mention Madonna or even Julia Roberts. That is style, to turn an overwhelming wedding dress into something iconic, which 30 years later would capture a certain moment in time and hold it forever.

     The same can be said of Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. The first thing the world noticed about John F. Kennedy Jr.’s wife was her look and style, which was understandable since John, after all, was the son of one of the world’s most fashionable women. Carolyn, unlike Diana, was not universally celebrated for her arresting beauty or looks. There were more beautiful women in New York than Carolyn but none admittedly had her unique fashion sense. Like Diana, Carolyn dressed simply and without fuss. She dressed like she woke up one morning, opened her closet, and put together an outfit that matched her mood or the weather. She didn’t even put make-up on. Just her trademark red lipstick and she’s done. And anyone who could look both scrumptious and sexy in a slinky ivory colored boudoir dress to get married in has to have chutzpah to be able to get away with it.

     Back to Kate…So far, Kate has been able to dazzle fashionably in only two important outfits: the blue number she wore for her engagement and the Nannette white dress she wore during her pre-wedding photographs taken by Mario Testino. Before and after these events, however, Kate had been seen in unremarkable outfits that surprisingly enough had been hailed by fashionistas everywhere as on-dit. Eh?

     Personally, I think what is wrong with Kate’s style is the way her hair looks. Brown hair is fine but the way it looks right now it doesn’t really round up even an arresting outfit very well. Kate’s hair looks like a mess. It’s unpolished, limp and lacks bounce and shine. And really, those hats? I’m sure they’re de rigueur in England but if they don’t suit you and make you look like a poop instead, why insist on wearing one? Diana at one point in her life stopped wearing them because they’re obviously messing and ruining her outfits. Normally, there are two stages in a woman’s life when she is allowed to get away with wearing an elaborate hat: her early twenties and her late forties. Uncovered locks are better so my unsolicited advice to Kate is burn your hats, especially the ones with the plumage design, and give them to frumpy Camilla Parker Bowles instead.

     And please, whatever you do, stop wearing tights, especially the brown or flesh-colored ones. Have your legs toned and waxed then go about wearing naked skin everywhere. Bare flesh is sexy, especially if you’re a young married woman wearing the most prized accessory of all: a wealthy prince with a direct line to the throne of England.

     It’s too early yet to pronounce a fashion verdict on Kate Middleton. Once she’s married and finally realizes her potential, she’ll probably hire someone to assemble her outfits for her. Or, wait for Ana Wintour to come knocking on her door and do it for her.